i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
