turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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