Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
