Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
