I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
