So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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