We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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