So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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