and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
