nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
