Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
