Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
