I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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