yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
