I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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