So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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