Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
