first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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