i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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