you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
