As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
