my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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