I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
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