he thought i was a dude.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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