I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
