So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You pole danced in your parka.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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