I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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