Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
