I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
