TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
