meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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