Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
