If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
