She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
foreskin is a definite game changer
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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