Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
