So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
