I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
