hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
