You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
