when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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