We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
