actually, I'm a sock model
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
