I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
