I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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