I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Your dad touched me again.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
