im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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