Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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