Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
