I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
