I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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