I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
