yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
