Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
